Love, Gratitude and Dad

Those of us living with chronic pain and illness know all too intimately the suggestion to find the good in our circumstances. We pour over positive affirmations and self-help books, journal, meditate, bang our heads on the wall and stomp our feet. We ask, scream out, the question: ‘Why? Why me? What does it mean?’

And we do find it in ourselves to persevere and lift above our experience. Become bigger than it alone. We find strength we never knew we had, compassion and empathy for others and the vision of a life better. I’m not alone, and have moved through all of these at different times, and continue to.

How is it we might find our deepest wish in life fulfilled as, by what might seem, the direct result of our circumstances. And which may not have happened otherwise? How do we resolve that? And does it really matter that we do?

I’ve been doing a lot of reading these last few weeks – I’m on vacation! I’ve made my way through The Hidden Messages in Water, Secret Life of Water and The Shape of Love: Discovering Who We Are, Where We Came From, and Where We’re Going by Masaru Emoto. As well as Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl and am currently reading my way through The Power Of Appreciation and Wishing Well: Making Your Every Wish Come True. Each of these warrant a few lengthy posts of their own.

I see a thread weaving through them all. Threads of Love and Gratitude, Vibration and Resonating. This last week (the Universe, my God, whom or whatever you might call it) has shown me an abundance of each of these. In more ways than I can write about here.

I have wanted a lot of things in life. Some things really badly. A job, a raise, an education, to dance…but there is only one thing I could describe as a Wish. And that was the Wish to have a (loving) relationship with my father. It’s a whole other story (maybe) that we were separated when I was very young – too young for me to have a conscious remembrance of him.

I always had something of him with me though. And like when you squint at the night sky to see that flicker of a star, so was my hope to reunite with him. Just that glimmer. It was enough for me as a little girl and has remained enough for me throughout adulthood.

I was recently blessed when that glimmer broke through a dark sky and my father, mon père, reached out to me when word had reached him of my current state of health.

So the question is, does it matter that after all this time it took these circumstances to connect us? My answer is a resounding ‘No!’ There are no needed explanations. No questions I need to ask or have answered. All that matters is ‘now’, the present moment. And that we have connected.

I believe the love and gratitude I’ve been nurturing within myself has laid the foundation for this moment. And could those vibrations and (well) wishes I’ve made have had anything to do with the unfolding of recent events? Maybe…

Our past stories may unfold over time, but it’s our future story that we’re now writing.

Je t’ai toujours aimé mon père et toujours!

Blessings,
Jacqueline

Have you experienced unexpected love and gratitude through your experience of chronic illness? I would love to hear your stories of serendipity, synchronicity or (well) wishing  in the comments below .